Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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