Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize