hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
