does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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