1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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