He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You took a bar mat shot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
