All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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