Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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