yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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