I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We left the knife in your bed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
