Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
