The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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