so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
