I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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