Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
