So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
