He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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