I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
