I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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