I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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