A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
