let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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