Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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