it's not cheating when I paid for it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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