I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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