Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
