Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
