if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
