for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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