I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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