I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
