I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a blind-side dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize