im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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