i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
