why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
