i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
