My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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