so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
