with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
