The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
