i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
