I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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