i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
