I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize