watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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