I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
