Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
