idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
