I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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