If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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