why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize