plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
