You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
