Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
