I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
