i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize