Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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