he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize