peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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