Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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