I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
