It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
