according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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