I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize