Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
