to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
