Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
