Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize