i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
