brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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