I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
