Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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(559): View more from California

That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!

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(415): View more from California

well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart

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(517): View more from Michigan

Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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(+61): View more from Australia

When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.

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(630): View more from Illinois

your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.

(630): View more from Illinois

also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?

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(971): View more from Oregon

I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.

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