Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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