Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
