HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
