I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Did you just see the Batmobile???
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
