whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
