cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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