Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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