If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
