I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
