Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
