The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
