When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
