i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
