just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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