She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
