So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
