T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
