We won't sleep together?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
