I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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