i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
