this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
