i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize