i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
