Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Are we still banned from the library?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
