I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
