Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
