mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
