oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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