dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
